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The Two-Bedroom Penthouse Suite at Bellagio: If I Must

The VegasTripping Review 2015

Posted by MikeE

A two-bedroom Penthouse Suite at Bellagio? Do you even know who I am? The resort once had the privilege of hosting me in a Grand Lakeview Suite. That's right, a room that ends in 001 - a subtle reminder that I'm better than you.

You celebrated your anniversary in a Penthouse with a lake view, but your wife wasn't content. As the fountains were firing, her attention seemed misdirected. Her cheek was pressed against the window, trying to get a glimpse of the man staying in the suite with the balcony. That man was I. Later that evening, she joined me, and we made violent love on the terrace as the fountains danced to "God Bless the U.S.A." seemingly choreographed not to the song, but to my bodily secretions. The suite had to be closed and the next guest's reservation cancelled as repairs were made to the balustrades that were damaged during these deep-dicking sessions.

You watched all this unfold and were overcome not by jealousy, but by deep understanding of why this happened - the size of suites are directly proportional to one's ravishing good looks, sex appeal, and of course, penis size.

Long before this affair, Bellagio sent me an apology comp for one night in a one-bedroom Penthouse. Ugh. Must I subject myself to such tiny accommodations? I took them up on the offer if only to see how the other half lives; I had grown accustomed to 3000 square foot suites and needed a pauper's room to rekindle the excitement. Modesty is, after all, another virtue of mine.

Still, I couldn't quite lower myself to such standards. I added an additional $300 per night to upgrade to a 2052 square foot two-bedroom to assure that I wouldn't be spending my weekend in a shoebox. At a grand total of $1400 for a Friday and Saturday night, it was about an hour's worth of work for me as a brain surgeon/supermodel. And so with great trepidation, I checked in to suite 36057 hoping for something more than an Eastern European hostel.

Oh, good. The top floor. It's the very least they could do.

Bellagio Penthouse Door

On the right as you enter, an entry cabinet. It served as an ideal place to leave my VIP room key and MLife card that very clearly depict my status. The cabinet doors do not open. Walls are covered in a deep, slate gray.

Bellagio Penthouse Entry

On the left, the guest bathroom if you so decide to entertain in such an embarrassingly small-sized room. The purple wall coverings offer a subtle pattern - a far cry from the Grand Lakeview Suite I wished I were staying in.

Bellagio Penthouse Bath

Stepping in further. The entertainment center on the other end. Mother-of-pearl inlays in the cabinetry are a pathetic attempt to make this suite feel classy. Extra high ceilings on the top floor are a nice bonus, I guess.

Bellagio Penthouse Entertai

Comments & Discussion:

Posted by missmonkay on Monday, 24th August 2015 10:38am:

Jesus Christ, Mike.

Posted by Chuckmonster on Monday, 24th August 2015 10:39am:

Mike, Jesus Christ.

Posted by MeltYrselfDown on Monday, 24th August 2015 10:39am:

The extra 6" of wall before the ceiling really says something.

Posted by Ricogreen on Monday, 24th August 2015 11:06am:

Wow, another great review.

Posted by nodeuces on Monday, 24th August 2015 11:33am:

"Yea but we're never really in the room." - Vegas Poors

Posted by dadice on Monday, 24th August 2015 12:14pm:

Sign me up! If only I could get them to include the connecting third bedroom in my Mlife website price.

Posted by detroit1051 on Monday, 24th August 2015 12:26pm:

How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm after they've seen The Grand Lakeview Suite?

I'm sure Jimbo was holding his breath until he got to page 6.

And, I've never read a more compelling intro than this one. Mike_E outdid himself.

Posted by vespajet on Monday, 24th August 2015 1:25pm:

How of the other half of the 1% live........ ;)

Posted by pkluvsvegas on Monday, 24th August 2015 2:12pm:

"Yea but we're never really in the room.- Vegas Poors"

Best comment ever, because it articulates exactly how I feel when I travel to Vegas and visit my friends in their lesser than my giant suite accommodations. Thank you for this. Now I can perfectly articulate my Vegas superiority and assholery, well except to Mike E, he still has me beat, for now....

Posted by anawas on Monday, 24th August 2015 3:18pm:

I'd have felt a whole lot worse about myself when reading this review if I knew just how much smaller this piddly penthouse is compared to the vast expanses of the Grand Lakeview Suite.

Nice to see Bellagio has been updating its rooms to stay at/near the top of the Vegas food chain.

Posted by JohnD on Monday, 24th August 2015 3:25pm:

Could do with a bigger fuck bench in that steam shower.

Posted by etm117 on Monday, 24th August 2015 3:54pm:

Well written good sir.

Personally, the colors in the room itself do not do it for me. I don't love it, but I don't hate it either. It is possible per the last page that it just doesn't photograph well.

Posted by rsauve on Tuesday, 25th August 2015 6:42pm:


Posted by wpsteel66 on Thursday, 3rd September 2015 10:40am: